Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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