Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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