I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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