I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize