If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize