they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize