i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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