you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
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I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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