if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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