i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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