yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my shit smells like andre
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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