I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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