New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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