I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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