I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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