Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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