I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Define "chronic" masturbator.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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