You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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