Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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