He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize