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yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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