A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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