Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
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My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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