where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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