your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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