Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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