Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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