Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize