dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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