I think I died a long time ago.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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