Just fell off a train. Bad.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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