Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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