There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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