margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I love black thongs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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