Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize