I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize