Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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