But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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