The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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