my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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