Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
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bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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