I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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