took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize