i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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