dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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