We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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