ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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