So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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