i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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