You're completely useless in the revolution.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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